Monday, October 27, 2008

A Memorial, Three Years Later...

I feel sometimes like I bring my blog followers down with talk of Tad. This is a subject that parents as a whole avoid, it is hard for anyone to hear someone talk of the most painful of losses, because as parents, it is the nightmare of nightmares, the horror story of a lifetime, something better left alone in the darkest corners of the deepest part of the night.
I share here because it is easier to type than it is to talk, and I appreciate all of your good wishes and sympathies more than any of you know.

So here it is, 3 years to the day after the accident that took my first born's life. As I have said in earlier posts, it is getting a bit easier to deal with everyday mundane matters that mean absolutely nothing to me now. Necessity causes me to deal with them; things like paying bills, power (I notice I haven't paid it when my power goes off), satellite tv (my hubby informs me when the service stops), garbage (they hang a red tag from the can), and other little things that slip past me seemingly monthly. Yes I keep a list, and I work on it often, my brain just doesn't seem to care.

We are going to go to the cemetery today, something I guess I don't do enough. I have always been of the mind that the person I loved isn't there, why should I go to such a dreary place to visit them? Not sure what the answer to that is, but I am always working on it.

Thanks for being here :)


Jody said...

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I have a 20 year old son and I worry about him (he doesn't live with me). If anything were to happen to him...well let's just say the sun would stop shining in my world.

Michelle said...

You never bring me down with talk of Tad; I think it's important to keep his memory alive by letting us know about him, how you lost him, and how much he still means to you. I've never been a "cemetary-visitor," either, for the same reason. But I do like to wander through old cemetaries and read the names, dates and notes on the tombstones. I just rarely visit the graves of those I know, and when I do it's only to go with someone else who has a burden to go. I'd rather wait for the resurrection and see them alive and made new and whole!