Monday, January 10, 2011

One Day at a Time

I know I will survive.

I know this is what he wants to do to start his life and I am happy that he is taking the initiative to do it.

But oh my! It hurts really bad.

Kevin left yesterday to go to boot camp. I will get to hear his voice sometime today, in an emotionless phone call that he will be allowed to make to let us know he is where he is supposed to be and that he will be sending us a post card with his address, company and platoon on it so we can write to him.

It's the whole 'cold turkey' thing that has my stomach in knots and has me either refusing food altogether, or wanting to eat everything in sight.

Its amazing how many times I've thought of him just this morning since I got up, not just stray thoughts that he's gone but... well they are too many to go into. I've spent every day of the last twenty years thinking of his needs and his deeds, only to wake up this morning and find he is really gone.
He has been my baby boy, my comic relief, my helper, my shoulder, my strength, my rock. I miss him.

I keep telling myself its only three months, so I have decided that today I will feel sorry for myself, but tomorrow I will put my big girl panties on and face the day without my Kevin and do it with, if not a smile then at least with no tears.

8 comments:

Michelle said...

Becky, I can only guess at how hard this must be, especially on top of not having your other son around. My mom always told me, "You can do anything for three months" (or whatever time frame fit the situation), but something things are infinitely harder than others. I'm glad you still have Joy around to distract and cheer you. (((HUGS)))

Mim said...

I've been thinking about you the last few days. I still miss my boy and he's 40. Guess they will always be our babies. Another thing Mom always said. I miss her too!

Laura said...

Oh No! It's never easy when your baby boy leaves. I really feel for you.

However, look on the bright side - you still have JOY!

chelsea said...

Oh my...For a mother, it's hard to think that their son is gone. It really hurts deep inside. However, then, you still need to be strong.

God is always there for you my dear.

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Jody said...

I know how it hurts when they have to grow up and go away Becky!
DH has to go all the way to Holland to see his children. I can tell from your blog how close you and your son are. Sending hugs XXX

Sharon said...

Our boys are the hardest. These are the emotions that drive great literature. I can only say - I hear and feel ya. Being a mom never stops.

sue said...

Becky, I know the feeling well. My son leaves today for Cali for a 4month internship at a major company. It has been nice having him here for 1.5 years and now...I will miss him.

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